In Which One Whips Up Quite a Sandwich…


Fully loaded, potentially dangerous, absolutely delicious…

This afternoon, I made the grave mistake of tuning into Adam Gutler’s Last Call Food Brawl on TLC. Today’s episode featured the late-night eats from Atlanta, Georgia: everything from buttermilk-soaked fried chicken, crisp-edged waffles, collards cooked with fatback bacon, funnel cakes, cornbread, & cobblers. It was all about soul food with a devil-may-care attitude about carbs, fat, & calories. Almost everything is deep fried, crunchy, robust, & boldly flavored.

Just as the on-screen competitors began to tear into the challenge of incorporating things like tater tots and jerk seasoning into their epic platters of deep-fried and soulful awesomeness, I decided to duck into the kitchen and make myself a sandwich. But not just any sandwich; this one throws in everything barring the proverbial kitchen sink. I call it The Bitchfight.


Come to momma, baby!

It is so named because it is anything but ladylike. This sandwich is all about bold, even brash flavors. It features fillings that prim & proper tea-sipping misses would turn their noses up at. It’s the kind of stuff your mother would probably shriek in horror over because it’ll ruin your diet and figure. But, hot damn: it tastes so gosh-darned good.

This particular creation features a peppery mayonnaise that gets its zing from a dollop of hot sauce spread on wholewheat bread. On one side, I lumped on a slice of bistek (sliced pork fillet cooked in a tangy soy & kalamansi lime sauce with onions) and finely sliced lap cheong (Chinese sausage) to give it a hammy smokiness & a slight sweetness. On the other side, I crumbled over some garlicky Sonsi longganiza (native sausage) topped with slices of sweetly mild Cheddar.


A toaster oven is vital for making this sarnie…

Three to four minutes in the toaster oven helps all the flavors & textures, melting the cheese a little, & crisping up the bread. The end result was meaty, peppery, tangy, smoky, crunchy, & creamy all at the same time.

It’s the sort of sarnie that begs to be eaten with a really good beer – and if you’re a girl & anyone tells you that your food isn’t very ladylike, tell ’em to mind their own beeswax. The flavors are bold & strong – just the way a great & powerful woman such as yourself should be.

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